Friday, December 2, 2011

Descriptive Segments: Draw a Picture in the Reader's Mind

Writer's draw pictures in reader's mind with words.

Ralph Fletcher draws a vivid picture of Grandma's hands in these sentences from his book, Fig Pudding.

I spent about fifteen minutes studying her hands, the dark veins slowly throbbing under skin that looked thin and clear as tissue paper.  Her hands made me think of driftwood, old and pale and worn smooth. They were stained brown in places but she still had one strong grip.

John Reynolds Gardiner draws a detailed picture in our minds of the Jackson, Wyoming setting in his story, Stone Fox.  He uses words to describe the sights, sounds and feelings.

It's not a dirty snow  It's a clean, soft snow that rests like a blanket over the entire state.  The air is clear and crisp, and the rivers are all frozen.  It's fun to be outdoors and see the snowflakes float down past the brim of your hat, and hear the squeak of the fresh powder under your boots.

Tonight, write three-four sentences that clearly describe the setting in your personal narrative #1.  Draw a picture with words in your reader's mind.

My example:

The old, brick school stood like a castle on the paved and grassy school yard.  Children happily played ball, ran through the grassy field and climbed on the old, silver playground equipment below.  Like smiling eyes, the school's giant windows reflected the bright, happy moment.

Kayla's Example
" The sun shined so bright and the waves crashed down on the sandy rock beach as we dove into them under the water. We tried to stay above, but the the waves like monsters pulled us back under."